Say you are in a relationship and something doesn’t seem quite right. You are afraid that it may be coming to an end, but you don’t know for sure. To be sure, look out for these signs and opt to leave before you are dumped…
1. Leading separate lives: Where you used to find time to be together and do things together, you have increasingly been pulling apart. On one hand, your partner may have assumed the habit of spending time alone more often, and, or going out alone regularly unlike before.
In the same vein, if you are living together, one of you has been overstaying at work or taking work trips to avoid going home early or being around their partner and is happier alone than with the partner.
2. Lack of interest: You may consider taking a walk if you have totally lost interest in each other. In the same breath, it could be that your partner is disinterested in you and is only holding onto you as a filler in the relationship before he finds someone new.
Additionally, it could be that he has acutely become withdrawn from you and hardly tries to find out what is going on with you. In fact, if he has no idea what is going on in your life, it is time to wrap it up.
According to relationship expert and author Rachel DeAlto, “In love, you know your relationship is over when you become indifferent,” she says, adding that “if you don’t care what he does, where he goes, or whether you even see him, it is time to move on.”
3. Lack of physical intimacy: Long-lasting couples will always have a healthy sex life. However, if your relationship has been active in the physical intimacy arena and suddenly plummets to a dull routine happening once after a while, then you may start to explore why.
Nonetheless, before considering a break-up, you will do well to try and spice things up by rekindling the fire that previously lit your sex life. This may entail the introduction of new positions, a change in environment, attitude and level of affection towards each other.
“If you still find that you have completely lost desire in each other, then you may be more suitable as friends rather than lovers,” says Rachel. Note that the vacuum created by a lack of desire will inevitably be filled by another party.
4. Threats of breaking up: If your partner has formed the habit of threatening to walk out of the relationship or expressing how regretful he is that he’s dating you, then beware that your relationship is on thin ice.
“Overtones of threats and regrets are usually a red flag that what remains of the relationship is just fragments,” cautions Susan Gacheru, a family coach. She adds that a partner may form this habit to gain advantage in arguments and key decisions in the relationship if they feel that you’re too scared to quit.
“This evolves into a form of emotional abuse. Additionally, it could also be a sign that your partner has little commitment in you and hardly respects the relationship,” says Ms Gacheru.
5. Resentment: How often do past wrongs keep popping up in your relationship? How often does your partner quote something minute you did a long time ago, blow it into a mammoth issue and get into a fit of rage about it? This could be a sign of resentment more than the wrong done.
According to the Gottman Relationship Institute, resentment will often stem from one partner or both partners not feeling understood, or as if what matters to them is not valued, and could be a sign that the relationship is at the end of its tether.
6. Fights and Nitpicking: According to Rachel, picking unnecessary, regular fights is one of the ways spouses use to tell the other to initiate a break-up.
With these sorts of fights, you will seem to never get anything right; if you dress a certain way, he will come down hard on you on why you couldn’t dress another way, in a manner that almost compares you with another woman.
Additionally, he will be 50 per cent less likely to notice anything you do to improve the relationship, according to Gottman Relationship Institute.
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